Fail.

My British Visa is stalled at the Consulate. =( WHY DO I NEED ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS WHEN THE COLOR PDF LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME??? Oh, the life of an international student.

So, New York and the Rotary Convention are cancelled as I am waiting for my visa to come in. But it's okay, Desmond Tutu is my facbeook friend. =/ And the important stuff is still on, Switzerland for 9 weeks and Kings College London for the year.

I'm composed enough to blog now, but I was bawling when my Visa agent told me, "Honey, it got rejected."

"You mean I failed??? But you don't understand, I never fail!! I get everything!! I don't know HOW to fail!!"

How appropriate that at the last Westchester Rotary meeting, Father Lawton talked about how students don't know how to fail. I don't! I think the most irritating part about failing is disappointing other people. I could care less about New York and the Convention, it's having to send 10 facebook messages to people who were ready to hang out with me that sucks. But then this moment of light came when I thought about my own words from my Senior Column:

"A community leader, lawyer and graduate of Loyola High School, Michael Balaoing said, “An optimist sees the glass half-full, while a pessimist sees it half-empty. But an LMU graduate doesn't care; they just want to give the glass to someone who is thirsty."

I think Balaoing was referring to where we choose to place our focus. Is it in the petty miseries we concern ourselves with when we fail? Or can we rise above our ego, get up and concern ourselves with getting that glass of water to the thirsty? In a few months, I will pack for King’s College London to pursue a graduate degree in Human Values and Contemporary Global Ethics as a Rotary Foundation Ambassadorial Scholar. It is quite the honor, and I can only pray for the abilities to match the opportunities. Whenever I start to worry about failing to meet expectations, I refocus and refuel by reminding myself that it’s not about me and my potential for failure. It’s about having the honor of participating in building “the tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work,” and giving ourselves wholly with the cool passion, resilience and focus that the world deserves from us."

It's funny how writing can force congruence upon us. It's also funny how moments of clarity can be blurred by petty external happenings.

Shortly after my visa fiasco, I sent a heads-up to all the other UK bound Rotary scholars and got fifty billion emails back about the visa process, if I could send links, tell them what not to do so they don't get rejected, if they could call me, etc. etc. My first thought was, "ARE YOU SERIOUS??? NOT NOW, I'M TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF MY VISA AGENT TO RE-START THIS CRAZY PROCESS!!!"

But life is petty anyways. Success is about relating well with others and remembering that everything we do, we do in service to one another. Re-focus. Besides, this was logistical failure, nothing major. Either way, we handle it with grace. I am thankful for my Sursum Corda education. It never fails me:

"Lord, lift up our eyes that we may see those in need

Those who hunger for your friendshop

Those who crave your light

Lord, lift up our ears that we may hear those who call for help

Who speak your name

Lord, lift up our arms that we may carry the downcast

Buld the broken

Touch the lonely

Lord, lift up our hearts that we may see your face

Hear your call

Do your will

Amen."